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[You are not in Kansas anymore--or wherever the Camp by the Cliffside had been. Today, you found yourself in a new town by a new sea, where the locals are just this side of humanoid and no one speaks a language you recognize. BONER CITY is now on top of a twelve-story rectangular building of indeterminate use (apartments? offices? shopping mall?), and nothing is out of place. It's as though your cabin turned into a TARDIS and landed on a distant planet in the future.]

[This was the best day of your life, and now you're ending things on Boner City's roof, with Dirk, watching the alien sun set. The greens are more distinct, the blues more luminous, and frankly, the wind is kicked out of you.]

Willickers.

[You have created a cake of incredible excellence. You are dressed in your best Oxford shirt and green tie--not a bowtie, for once, because Dirk has made a few offhanded comments about long tie's ALTERNATIVE USES. You have showered thoroughly and even attempted to put gel shit in your hair. Today is SOMEONE'S BIRTHDAY.]

[You light the candles, taking care not to light the end of your tie too, and enter the bedroom, where you've parked Dirk on the bed with the suggestion that he "wait for the surprise!!" As you saunter into the dimly-lit budouir, you do your BEST MARILYN MONROE IMPRESSION.]

Happy birthday mister strider
Happy birthday to you. <3

[You return home with a SMALL BOTTLE in your pocket and an expression of PURE DETERMINATION. Dirk is in the main room! Good--you don't want to have to fight in the garage near a bunch of small and delicate parts.]

Dirk strider!!

[The skeletal creatures in the Medium are nothing to sneeze at. If you managed to, they would probably kill you easily for the offense, using your body to wipe the germs off. What you mean is that they are BADASS MOFOS and DIFFICULT TO KILL.]

[Luckily, you've got the POWER OF LOVE on your side. This swarm of demonic enemies are no match for you and BOYFRIEND OF ACTION, DIRK STRIDER.]

[Something is coming! Something BIG. Something so life-threateningly-huge and pants-shittingly-terrifying that you and Dirk need to prepare some really kickass defenses.]

[Luckily, kickass comes standard, with you two.]

Jake and Dirk: > Build a mecha.

[You pretty much have!! Just a few more tests to figure out. You are currently seated on the mecha's shoulder, fiddling with its stores of eye missles.]

What ho dirk!
How are things on your end?

[You never thought you would be the kind of fella who would stand idly by while someone beat the crap out of your heart's darling. Turns out, you're not! You're the kind of fella who beats the crap out of said darling himself.]

[You leap into Dirk's personal space, guns ablaze, and attempt to make up for his superior speed with your superior firepower.]

Take THAT you studmuffin!!

Jake: > Wake up.

[That is easier said than done! You are a pretty heavy sleeper, and have a very regular sleep schedule. It would take a lot to rouse you earlier than your usual time!]

[The smell of food is one of those things, though. You crack open an eye and survey your surroundings.]

[Your name is JAKE ENGLISH, and you cannot take it anymore.]

[Meeting DIRK STRIDER, your BEST BRO and SECRET TRUE LOVE, was one thing. Living with him in extremely close quarters? You could deal with that. Seeing him every day, morning until night, for a month while you agonized over what to do with these CONSARNED HONEYGLOWS is just about all you can take.]

[Today is the day you EXPLAIN YOUR "JUMPINESS" and come clean to your FOREVER BOY, and you think you know how to do it.]

Strider!
Lovely time for a walk dont you think?

Current Mood: hopeful

[You return to BONER CITY, as you are still reluctant to call it, with a step full of bounce, a heart full of vim, and a pocket full of MULTIPLE TYPES OF GRIST. You love the Caves of Despair. They are simply the best spot to grind, and that is really all there is to say on the matter.]

[You do not bother knocking before entering.]

Strider old boy!
I think we have enough build grist for turrets now!!

[Guess who has two thumbs and spared absolutely no Thanksgiving expense? This guy.]

[The spread includes an enormous turkey with all the trimmings, and pumpkin EVERYTHING. There aren't very many decorations, but you've managed to do something interesting with the feathers for a STRANGELY HYPNOTIC CENTERPIECE.]

[You are so so so SO excited.]

Here we are!
Get it while its hot!!

((This post is open to all Homestucks! Will backtag into eternity.))

Jake has reached 1,000 comments! WHAT THE BALLS? Some of this is probably from random farting around in his account but I don't care, SO: First Impressions Meme! Comment here with the character(s) in question and I will write up a thing/give out someecards like a champ.

This goes for my others, too (ZEX/Necoco/Legion/Zombie)! And planning out future threads also works. Hypotheticals and that.

<3

Current Mood: bouncy

Age: 16
Height: Uhhh middling.
Weight: He is a muscular boy who eats his vegetables.
Medical Info: Battlescars! He is also often bruised and dirty but he never lets his cuts get infected. He eats relatively well and has a great exercise regimen, so... basically he is a Healthy Boy.
Eyes: ~*~EMERALD~*~
Hair: Black and ridiculous. He cuts it himself.
Physical traits: BUFF, ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE SCRUMLORD. Also buckteeth and glasses. Has a farmer's tan that will be spoken of for generations.
What's Okay To Mention Around Him/Her: Anything! He will get flustered if you are overly sexual or something but he can deal with it.
Abilities: Awesome with his pistols and also fisticuffs. Manages to be a huge dork but also weirdly charming?? You have a crush on him.
Notes for the Psychics/Magically or Spiritually sensitive: Dude is pretty much an open book when it comes to what he is thinking. He may also be part dog? We aren't clear on this. Bark bark bark.
Can I shapeshift/bodyswap/spit at/step on/etc?: Ask/Ask/yes/yes. Jake will definitely fight back though so watch out!
Hugging/kissing/other non-violent physical contact: Yes/ask/specify? Jake is not accustomed to touch at all so that is a Thing.
Maim/Murder/Death: Ask/ask/ask.
Cooking: Really good with pumpkins in the kitchen. And canned goods.
Other: His slang is ridiculous. If you do not understand wtf he is saying, I would be happy to tell you in IRC or something. Also, if you can't handle his text color or quirk, just let me know and I will stop using it! <3

>Jake: Wake up bright and early for adventure.

[No better time to start your big day than five o'clock in the friggin' morning! You indulge in hot black tea and a quick jump in the shower before checking on Strider. There is every reason to believe he hasn't even been to bed, yet.]

[You fall to the ground and do your best to roll away. Chances are, it is not enough.]

JAKE: Jesus h jones strider!

[Just another day of adventure on Hellmurder Island! The fairy bulls are floating, the capricorns are menacing, and the pumpkins are delicious.]

[But what was that sound? A sort of sustained, staticy-musical hum. By jove, that's worth checking out, I'd say!]

[Jake checks his pistols, secure at his sides, and ventures into the thick of the jungle, toward where he heard the noise]

Current Mood: chipper

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Jake English

Recent Entries

Jake: > Adventure.

[AU] Jake: > Celebrate.

[AU] [Partly not though!] Jake: > Fix it.

[AU] Reverse Jake: Punch baddies.

[AU] Jake: Catch up.

Reverse Jake: > Pounce boyfriend.

[IC] Datestuck

[AU] Heartswitchstuck

[AU] Quasi-Update Weirdstuck

Boner City Residents: > Be Festive

First Impressions

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May 2013

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